goldenthong:

did you ever stop to think people are reading this sentence in different accents 

(via slapping)

if my jokes offend you:

  1. i’m sorry
  2. it won’t happen again
  3. 1 & 2 are lies 
  4. you’re a pussy

(Source: 69shadesofgray, via hotboyproblems)

taliabobalia:

i can’t believe the leader of the free world cheated on jay

metaphoricalanchor:

i want to write the kind of short stories you read in english class that are on this weird level of surrealism that they still haunt you years down the road

(via closuring)

meladoodle:

sorry son, it’s not MY fault you were born on opposite day.. now where are my presents

(Source: meladoodle, via pizza)

asmilinggoddess:

the year is 2014 AD. the human race has existed for over 200,000 years. men still think women pee out of the vagina.

(via seedy)

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